Trying To Find My Place
by moonstar317
Summary: No matter what I have to do, I will get her to be mine, even if I have to die. Please go to...youtube . com /watch?v BaI 3CWSeR8 To see the video that finishes the story. copy paste url and delete spaces


Trying to find my place....

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING, UNFORTUNATELY.**

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**Chucks POV**

As I take another sip from my glass of scotch I begin to think of Blair. We had been through a lot. This time I think I really messed up. Blair was going through a difficult time now, and I can't help her. If only I had told her about what had happened with Serena and Nate two years ago, she wouldn't have been with him, and I wouldn't have messed up Nate and I's friendship. We used to hang all the time. So did me and Blair. Now all of it has changed. That night that Nate and Blair had broken up, I never intended for anything to happen. They were both my best friends. Blair always had this ring to her though. There was always something special about her that to this day, I still haven't figured it out.

That night at Victorola was amazing. I had never seen Blair like that. It made me want her so much. The feel of her lips and her touch, I never had that feeling from any other girl out there. Yet, even though we shared that special bond that night, to me I was the insect. Not Nate, not Carter, me.

Me and Blair started hooking up randomly after their breakup, she always acted as if there was something she hated about me. That day when Nate came to ask her to the débutante was awful. From there on out she always ran back to Nate, I guess they are truly meant to be. Let's throw a party. One thing I hated about my best friend is that he always got my girl.

I felt so bad for causing their second breakup by sending the blast to gossip girl about me and her, but I had to do what I had to do. I couldn't bare seeing the two of them together. It made me sick. Ever since then, we barely talk.

Every now and then me and Blair get along great. I know that there has to be something inside of her that wants me, but I couldn't figure out what. All of our games that we played with each other. It may have given me a rush at the time, but now that I think about where it put me, it makes me sick. I never should of left her to go to Tuscany by herself just because of a blond interior designer that was crazy ugly with her clothes off. How could I be so stupid. I wish she knew that I would always be there for her no matter what.

Every time I try to show her that, there's something always in the way. She's dealing with a party, or having a bitch fight with someone or just plain out with another guy. For example, I was gonna surprise when she got off that bus from Europe and actually be there for her. No, Lord Marcus was there. Some lord, hooking up with his duchess, that's worse than me. That's saying quite a lot. I remember walking in her balling her eyes out. I tried to comfort her but all she did was push me out saying never to talk to her and to leave her alone.

We had our games. She tried to get me to tell her I love her, but I just couldn't do it. I fought for her and finally when she let me have her, I couldn't touch her. I needed to know how she felt about me.3 words. 8 letters.

It was until that night in Brooklyn I realized how I truly felt for her.

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_"It doesn't matter who says it first, why don't we just say it together." Blairs eyes were sparkling that night, she was so beautiful._

_"That wasn't the deal."_

_"Why does everything have to be a deal?"_

_"Because we made it one." How stupid was I. The sparkle had faded from her eyes and I automatically knew something was wrong._

_"What's going on Blair? You told me you had something to say to me, say it."_

_"Why do I have to be the one to go first? I was the one who waited on that helipad for you. I went to Tuscany alone."_

_"That's ancient history." Who cared about the past. It was the present. Time for new beginnings. She knew I was sorry about that, I've been telling her that all along just by the things that I did. She was starting to piss me off._

_"I was the one who asked you to say it first!"_

_"The white party? When you were on your way out with the Count? Did you really think I was going to say it then?"_

_"YES, and when you didn't I wanted to DIE!"_

_"Don't tell me you brought me all the way to Brooklyn for this, I thought you were going to tell me how you really felt. Obviously it was just another one of your games."_

_"My games? You were the one who started this."_

_"And your the one who has finished it." With that moment, tears in her eyes and all Blair walked away. How desperately I wanted to run after her, I couldn't. It killed me on the inside. There was nothing I could do._

That's all I'm gonna write. I made a video to it that has an ending so if you want to find out what happens afterward you'll just have to watch. That was only the beginning. **/sammie392**


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